Plug Your Nose And Pull The Lever


(cue The Sandlot echo)

That's how long it's been since we've talked.  What have I been up to, you ask?  Buckle up and strap on your hockey helmet, friends.

I've been...

  • scooping cat litter
  • eating vast quantities of Gifford's ice cream (Strawberry Cheesecake, Rainforest Nut and Vanilla with Grape-Nuts, should you ever be interested in purchasing some before I come visit you, the hubs, and your exotic animal menagerie, dear sister)
  • maneuvering canoe trailers
Let's dwell on the subject of creative trailer parking for a second.  It's like ice-dancing, minus the ice, plus a whole lot of herky-jerky movement and an exhaust system. Like ice-dancing between a big rig and a glass chandelier - birthing a kind of triple salchow that has a mind of it's own.

Or, you could instead imagine having to "drive" a Chinese New Year lion costume.  Then, imagine you're directing it while facing the wrong direction.  And you're going backwards (Which backwards, you ask?  Yours or theirs?  Yeah, now you're getting my point).  Some things in life are just plain harder than they look.

And they look hard.

A two-person lion performing mui fa jong, for example.  

This is no hopscotch exhibition, ladies.  Human acrobatics are not unlike trailer acrobatics, which I could probably write you a book about at this point, titled My Trailer Diaries.  Lesson #1 (and this is a complete tangent, mind you): Never forget to dump the black-water.  If you don't know what black-water is, this is especially true for you, because if you forget to dump it, you are going to find out in some very nasty ways.

But back to the list.  I've been...
  • doing laundry.  Like 25 loads in one day.  In a room that registers 85 degrees on a -25 degree February morning, without the dryers running
  • finding us a place to live 
  • offering dancing lessons at a friend's wedding

I'm the one on the left, showing Abbie my spirit fingers.  Who dances like that?  How embarrassing.
  • dropping metal canoes on my friend Sarah (There she goes!!  Sorry, Sarah.)
  • changing cocktail dresses in the back of a pick-up truck (My license plate doesn't say "BAKWUDS", but then again, it doesn't need to.)
  • scooping cat litter

Yeah, we're living the high life up here, dumping poop into the outhouse toilet behind the camper and parking unwieldy vehicles in tight spaces.  

I bet you're glad I'm back.


  1. On first read, I had thought you had gone back to childhood and were calling yourself Backwards, minus the "R" like old times. It made me giggle. Second read, ohhhhh, that's what she meant, not nearly as funny. I'm only moderately disappointing you changed from the kapow dress to the ruffles dress.

  2. Ahh, your strange text makes complete sense now. Also, KAPOW needs to be written always and only in caps. It's only right. But the slit was not.

  3. How many times have I worn the KAPOW dress without incident? You would have been fine, but your "dancing" pictures show that you looked quite lovely in ruffles.

  4. "Dancing", huh? Tell me what you really think.


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