Food That Fights Back

Does anyone know why we don’t eat guinea pigs in America?  Or Canada geese, for that matter?  It seems to me that there some very available food sources that we are neglecting to take advantage of.  Insects, anyone?  I’ve never had a fried grasshopper or a chocolate-covered ant, but I like to think that I’d be up for chewing away at those spindly legs if the opportunity ever presents itself.  Think about it, some of the best foods sources in this world are the ugliest and most un-appetizing in their original form.  Let me convince you.

Passion Fruit – This dark purple fruit contains an ooey-gooey substance unnervingly similar to snot or a pile of frog eggs.  If you like oysters, this is for you.  If you’re a texture person, you might want to stick to apples.

Parsnip – I love parsnips.  If you roast them with olive oil and rosemary, they showcase their incredible natural sweetness and earthy tone that makes a carrot seem so minor league.  Don’t think they’re ugly?  What other vegetable could grow naturally into the shape of your face.

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I know what you're thinking.  It's a shame it didn't have his teeth.

Chicken – Have you ever seen a chicken’s face up close?  I think because we eat them every week and see them frequently in our neighborhoods (some of us), we have become numb to the fact that really, these creatures came from dragons.  

Rambutan – Okay, so I’ve never tried this one, but it looked like something that needed to be referenced here. This Southeast Asian native is sweet and slightly acidic, that is, if you can manage to get past the fact that it looks like the eye of a monster with serious cataracts.  

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 You know who doesn't seem to care?  This guy.

Snails – Stop what you’re doing right now.  Get in your car.  Go to the nearest fishmonger.  Buy snails.  Braise them in enough butter and garlic to make you feel ashamed, then grab a tiny fork and get ready to have the best food experience of your life.  It helps if you have a little plate with divots to serve them in.  That way you can spoon up all of that liquid sunshine.

This is a very short list of what turns out to be an enormous category of food.  Next time the waiter brings you something that causes stomach acid to creep back up your throat, swallow hard and prepare yourself for what could be simultaneously the best and worst food decision of your life.  Seriously, if you aren’t ready to take unnecessary risks with your food, that’s fine, but could that also mean that you aren’t ready to take unnecessary risks with your life?  I'm right, aren't I?  So grab your meal by its horns and start taking charge today.