I wear a lot of black. It’s a clean, safe color and works with basically any other shade, even itself. If I were to wear pink on pink, you’d think I might have a 1995 shamrock limited-edition beanie baby in my back pocket, but if when I wear black on black, I just look like a New Yorker. If I go shopping for new apparel and am really on my game, I use an important set of criteria to determine the cost-value ration of the item.
Is it black, grey or brown (and brown is a real stretch)?
Yes?
I'll take it!
This is my uniform for life. Feel free to laugh, but I’m telling you, it makes my mornings practically chaos-free.
This Yeti clearly appreciates my taste in apparel.
What better color to wear in celebration of a finished half-marathon? You guessed it.
Family get-togethers are made for this uniform.
You’re guaranteed not to outshine your relatives (or even impress them).
Black isn’t just for little cocktail dresses. It’s perfect for those 90-degree days on an arid cliff.
Wear black when you get together with old friends.
They’ll see how much you’ve changed stayed the same.
Doing pirate impressions while scooping ice cream?
Those spills won’t show on black - there's no aaaarrrrrggggguing against it.
In New York at Christmas time? Obviously.
Predictable? Yes. Boring? Maybe. Easy as pie? Absolutely. While you all are breaking out those bright summer colors and fun patterns (polka dots? If only I could!), I’ll be rocking out the warm months in my favorite wears. And next time you find yourself grief-stricken in front of the full-length mirror, take a lesson from my playbook. Trust me, you’ll never be the same.
Or rather, from then on, you’ll always be the same.
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